Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
