you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
