you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
