She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
