You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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