i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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