Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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