Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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