dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
