You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
