I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
