wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just tell him i said nine months
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
