Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I sprained my soul last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
