Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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