If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize