Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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