doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
