Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
