think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
