I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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