I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
