If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
