Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
