kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
