i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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