I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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