This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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