Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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