Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize