Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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