I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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