Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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