i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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