he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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