Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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