Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
