tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
