I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
