the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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