Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just gift wrapped bread.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
