I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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