Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
