On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone signed my nipple.
His nipple licking is glorious
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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