You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
