im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
