I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize