i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
