1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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