I want to walk on stilts...naked
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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