i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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