His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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