My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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