That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
