I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
