It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize