i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
