I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
