they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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