I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
