I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
