Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
