Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
