guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
