New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
