do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
