Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
