i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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