I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
