so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
