.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
