Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
