I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
