I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
