Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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