If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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