I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
