I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
