theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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