i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
