Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
