I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
