Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
