i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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