yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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