But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
