This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my poor anus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
