If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
