Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
