Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
