I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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