some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
