you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
