i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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