I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize